Blog Entry for my 36th Birthday
Being born on 5 May
1977, I turn 36 (= thirty six) on 5 May 2013. 36 is a special number for me
in part because it is the square of 6, but more importantly because it is
two times of 18. The age of 18 is considered the start of maturity in Israel
when Israeli boys and girls gain the right to vote, and are supposed to enroll
into the
Israeli military, and normally hit sexual maturity at that point.
The time I was 18, 19, 20 in 1995-1997, was very influential for me, and
now I feel that I have achieved a second maturity.
I feel I have finally reached peace of mind, am enjoying all the little
things in life, and can honestly see reality as it is, and see through many
lies. Part of my problem was that for a long time I was
playing
the “Invisible”, which is something I decided to avoid from now on and
work on better publicity. A different issue was me thinking of myself
as The
Eternal Jew, i.e: a profile, or a “god” in the stock exchange of the
gods, which was an unhealthy tendency that I finally put to rest
in a scene of my screenplay,
Selina Mandrake - The Slayer (thanks to the wonderful protagonist
there). Finally, yet another problem was that I have not
accepted
who I am, which is also something that I decided to avoid from now.
If I were ever going to visit
Fantastica,
the land of imagination, I would need to be very careful from the wrath
of the characters of my
stories and screenplays, whom I have put to much suffering (but at least
all of them, with an exception in
The
Enemy and How I Helped to Fight it, ended up alive at the end of
the stories and happier than ever. However, all this suffering was secondary
to my own which involved
hypomanias, and even some Manias, which
caused some deteriorated health, and unhappiness to my surrounding.
I have decided that from now on, I would like to socialise more. I
was told and understood that the lack of socialisation was part of
what is causing hypomanias, and the underlying reason behind
Bipolar disorder.
I have already attended one
Science Fiction and Fantasy
Conference in Tel Aviv, and it was a wonderful and colourful experience,
and also proved a catalyst for coming up with the idea of
a
screenplay I have written. I want to do stuff like that more often
which will hopefully mitigate my hypomanias problem.
On this occasion, I would like to thank the people who helped me and guided
me throughout my journey to maturity: my psychotherapist (whom I won't mention
by name, but who provided a lot of solid advice), and
Dr. David Burns
for his excellent book
Feeling
Good: The New Mood Therapy; my friends from the Technion,
the Haifa Linux Club, and
the Tel Aviv Open Source Club;
my friends from the Internet, and my family members for being there when
I needed them.
I would also like to thank my characters, who provided a window into my soul
and my innermost desires:
-
The ex-Member of the Organisation from
my first real novella
The Enemy,
who was full of mathematical logic and was practically inhuman.
-
The Friends in
“The
One with the Fountainhead” who were happy to play the characters from
Ayn Rand’s novel
The
Fountainhead while parodying and modernising it along the way.
They signified what I was unhappy about the Fountainhead and also my growing
interest in romantic relationships.
-
The
Human Hacking Field Guide brings us Erisa→Eve, the sexy,
mysterious, insurgent, and typical “bad girl” antagonist, who after becoming
less of a rebel without a cause, and at the age
of 18 felt like she can write her own replacement for
In Search of Lost Time, and publish it, and it would be
better than the original. Eve, I wish I knew I was reflecting on myself
in this respect!
-
From
Star
Trek: “We, the Living Dead”, we find such characters as Q, my own Q2,
Jadzia Dax, and my own
Katie Jacobson,
who face a mishmash of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine,
Judaism,
Julian
Jaynes’ Bicameral Mind theory
and other Near East history, open source hackerdom,
and various
Elders
of Zion and Illuminati conspiracy theory, and survive to tell the tale,
reflecting upon some of the farfetched stuff I thought to be true, during my
“Great Mania”.
-
Finally, Selina from
Selina
Mandrake - The Slayer, handled the various vampires and
demons she ran into in a graceful and natural way, and finally put
my whole obsession with “The Eternal Jew”/“The Invisible”/“The Slayer”/
“The Dispeller”/“The Free”/etc. to rest. Selina, you are great - I love
you!
During this period, I have also started writing
Humanity -
The Movie, which aims to be a parody of Humanity and modern life in
particular, and which I originally imagined as being written and filmed
by a Bajoran
extraterrestrial who arrived at Earth, also during my “Great Mania”.
I also began writing
The Pope Died
on Sunday, which tells the story of an atheist female graphic
designer (and a software developer by training) in Milwaukee,
during the summer of the
year 2000, reflecting
on an old mentality, and finally
The
Blue Rabbit Log, which is a Crazy Comedy parodying Role-Playing
Games, and is based on an old idea of mine.
Anyway, right now, I feel like I have reached some greater
and greater enlightenment and am more capable of handling life’s
problems as I run into them. I have been realised more that
the
gods help them that help themselves, that I should be happy of what I
am and proud of it, and that the people around me can often be dicks. I also
realise now that my relentless policy for honesty and sincerity got me in a
lot of trouble, because
people don't want to face the
Elephants in
the room, but that I should still try to be more tactful in the future
I also realised many people can often be jerks, and try to hurt you on
purpose.
Cheers, and have a great 5 May day.
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Syndicated 2013-05-05 11:18:39 from shlomif
