11 Aug 2002 rjp   » (Journeyer)

Saw Cake, De La Soul, Flaming Lips, and various filler bands Thursday night; really good show, although the Cake front man was just as aggro and angry as he was when I saw them last year in Berkeley. Still, good show.

Work: boring as hell. I know now that the only way it won't be boring drudgery for me is if I let myself care about it. I can't do that unless I decide that this company is definitely what I want to do for the next few years. One or two is easy to see - much beyond that, I just can't. Grrr. I need to be able to give a shit to want to be there, and right now I'm just having trouble with that.

I am discovering, in bits and pieces, that I am an emotional wreck. The events of the last couple of years have left me with much to process and understand. The dotcom boom and crash put me through the wringer; caring for my grandfather while he slowly died is something that will take me years to figure out. What do the last two years of my life mean to me? What will it mean to me in five years?

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