Something that's been bugging me. Two contradictory feelings: i want to be a valuable cog in society, but i don't feel like working. What's more, everything new i do seems to twist round and place demands on me that cause me pain.
There's expectations people have of brainy people. They should be able to write in a certain formal manner. They should be able to talk on the phone/IM/IRC/email without effort. Society sees a brainiac, and tries to use it in a certain way. IF you can do this THEN you can do that. Be verbally fluent and precise, basically. Indeed you MUST, because it would be such a waste if you didn't. Except i can't, or not without a lot of pain.
Like for example if i can create jigsaw puzzles that simulate cellular automata capable of universal computation i must obviously be able to explain it over the phone to someone i've never met. Talking on the phone just doesn't require that much intelligence. Stands to reason.
What it feels like is I am a tool being used badly. Like trying to chisel wood with a saw.
Not just me. I can name two other people in the exact same kind of situation. Very smart people. What happens is after a while we just back off and stop trying.