alan turing invented the COLOSSOS, machine for understanding ger., lat., fr., ect which won the war for BRITTAN cheers cheers cheers. even tho he was a grate pionear of computer sience, the goverment did not respekt him, becos he did not hav a beard.
all mr turing’s discovereys are v popular at st. custards, eg the HALTING PROBLEM, which shos that you canot tell whether or not hedmaster’s pi-jaw will go on for ever.
mr turing also invented the turing test. this demonstrates that a computer is intelegent if a human canot tell whether it is another human. hence super wizard wheez to see whether sigismund the mad maths master wil notice if i send the MOLESWORTH-O-TRON 9000 to maths klass while i stay in bed.
SIGISMUND: molesworth, why hav you not done your prep MOLESWORTH-O-TRON: is it becos I hav not done my prep that you speke to me SIGISMUND: what is the square on the hipotnus? MOLESWORTH-O_TRON: some of the squares on the other sides SIGISMUND: corekt PEASON: sir sir i have a question sir SIGISMUND: what is it peason PEASON: ; drop table mathematiks; – (with a grate CRASH the molesworth-o-tron fall to the floor) SIGISMUND: well i never, molesworth is a computer
rekursion is not e.g. when you drop a shottput on yor foot and shout D— B— S— ect in front of GRIMES and get yor mouth washed out with soap. it is a way to find ansers in funkshonal langwidges that require BRANE. this is becos funkshonal langwidges never do anything useful exept by side-efect, and who can blame them.
the ordenry way of finding ansers is for one funkshon to aks another thus:
FOTHERINGTON-TOMAS: Hello clouds hello sky, hello peason. who is the strongest boy in all st. custards? PEASON: er, i dunno. molesworth, who is the tuoghest in st. custards? MOLESWORTH (chest swelling with manly pride): it is i (gramer) PEASON: it is molesworth. (he burst out laffing) FOTHERINGTON-TOMAS: Hurrah, i hav my answer. (he skip merily away.)
but a rekursiv funkshon can aks itself for an anser.
FOTHERINGTON-TOMAS: Hello clouds hello sky, hello molesworth. who is the strongest boy in all st. custards? MOLESWORTH: i shal aks myself. molesworth, who is the tuoghest in st. custards? (i turn around. i am looking into the eyes of a handsom stranger. could it be MYSELF?) MOLESWORTH: dere me, who is the tuoghest in st. custards? MOLESWORTH-PRIME: it is me. (but as i turn to tell fotherington-tomas, we hear the footstepps of the glamorus under-matron PRUDENCE ENTWISTLE) MOLESWORTH-PRIME: wait! i must veriffy the result. prudence, who is the tuoghest in the skool? PRUDENCE: you, my sweet. (she kisses him and they depart arm in arm without me chiz chiz chiz)
rekurshon was invented by som monks in hanoi. they had three huge needels and a hundred disks. they spent hundreds of yeres moving them about it was worse than detenshun. they shud hav just spun them around like radio LUXEMBURG hem hem. anyway one day the americans invaded.
AMERICANS: wot are you doing BROTHER MOLESWORTH: moving disks around AMERICANS: why BROTHER MOLESWORTH: no time to talk, got to move this disk around AMERICANS: dont drop it on your… BROTHER MOLESWORTH: oh S— B— D— ABBOT: report to the scriptorium to have thy mouth woshed out with soap
They will stand beside you When all things are good. And in the times when things are bad Beside you they have stood. They always tell the truth to you As every good friend must And they are reliable: Friends you always trust. They never will say nasty things About the clothes you wear They'll stand up for you against others When you're not there. You can always trust your friends To hold your place in queues. They'll always tell you "You played well", Even if you lose. Always keeping by your side: Friendship never ends. Yet, after all, we're only human: Who has friends?