marnanel is currently certified at Journeyer level.

Name: Thomas Thurman
Member since: 2003-06-23 07:24:52
Last Login: 2007-10-02 01:52:42

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swearing allegiance to Peter Ustinov

conversation between me and Tim, many years ago:

Marn: I've never pledged allegiance to the Queen... well, unless you count the Cub Scout promise. Come to think of it, though, I've sworn allegiance to her husband.
Tim: ?!
Marn: When you start at Cambridge, you have to promise allegiance to the chancellor, and the chancellor is Prince Philip. So presumably I'm still under an oath of allegiance to him.
Tim: ... that's wonderful. I wonder whether that means I've sworn allegiance to Peter Ustinov.

notes:
- Prince Philip was chancellor of Cambridge at the time of this conversation; he isn't now.
- Peter Ustinov was chancellor of Durham at the time; he's now dead.
- the Cambridge matriculation oath is currently: "I promise to observe the Statutes and Ordinances of the University as far as they concern me, and to pay due respect and obedience to the Chancellor and other officers of the University."
- the Cub Scout promise is currently: "I promise that I will do my best to do my duty to God, and to the Queen, to help other people, and to keep the Cub Scout law."

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/356696.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2016-02-06 16:25:19 from Monument

"Who listens to the radio through a bleedin` satellite anyway?"

I don't understand all the physics, but I read Justin Smith's aerialsandtv.com as much for his writing style as the technical stuff. Here's a sample:

"If you`re using the Sky free channels (as opposed to Freesat) in order to receive all the available free channels sometimes need a Sky card . At the moment this is quite cheap but it is only available from Sky and anyone who has had dealings with them can testify that it can be a frustrating business..... In fact when Which? researched call centres in Jan 11 they found Sky was the worst, and they`ve got some decent opposition in that department, particularly Royal Mail, and (ironically) BT, plus all the broadband providers, obviously. That`s the modern trend, companies don`t actually want to talk to their customers, not unless it`s a voice activated computer. I never talk to them. Well actually I do, I swear at them till they put me through to a human being. You should try it, it`s very satisfying.

Some of the of the programmes on Freeview are not available on Freesat. As far as I am aware Dave or the UK History channel are not available on Freesat although the situation could change so you are advised to check. Apparently UKTV History changed its name in March 09 to “Yesterday”, and it also changed its Freeview MUX allocation. Yet another example of name changing bollox. Isn`t all this digital TV complicated enough......

On the other hand there are a few more channels on Freesat than on Freeview. So you might get 120 odd channels of crap *, instead of the 80 odd channels of crap on Freeview. Big deal. So you can waste even more time going through the TV guide confirming there`s nothing actually worth watching anyway. Life`s wonderful.

* Remember they aren`t all TV channels, some are radio channels. Who listens to the radio through a bleedin` satellite anyway ? That`s what I want to know. Whatever next ? Gas companies selling electricity ? And I bet they`d charge too much for it. The world`s gone mad."


This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/356247.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2016-02-03 23:45:18 from Monument

The Dolorous Stroke, which is not about sex

Q: How does the term 'dolorous stroke' fit into the stories surrounding the search for the Holy Grail?

Answer (by me):

The Dolorous Stroke was when Sir Balin stabbed King Pelles in the genitals with a spear. This was even more unfortunate than it sounds, because the spear had also been used to stab Jesus during his crucifixion, and was therefore magic, and Bad Things begin to happen.

Pelles becomes unable to have sex, and he is therefore unable to have a son to be the next king. However, he has a daughter named Elaine, and he decides he'll use her sexuality instead.

Elaine has been trapped in a bath of boiling water by a sorceress. Sir Lancelot arrives, being all heroic, and gets her out of the bath, "naked as a needle" as Malory puts it. Pelles and Elaine get Sir Lancelot drunk, and Elaine uses her magic ring (honestly) to trick Lancelot into having sex with her. "Wit you well that Sir Launcelot was glad, and so was that lady Elaine that she had gotten Sir Launcelot in her arms." says Malory.

Next morning, Lancelot is angry because he thinks his strength depended on his being a virgin. I have no idea why-- girl cooties or something. Elaine then "skips out of bed all naked" (Malory is getting quite excited here) to tell Lancelot that she's pregnant. Pregnancy tests have evidently become less quick and reliable since the days of King Arthur.

Lancelot jumps out of the window and runs off. Nine months later, Elaine bears a son, Galahad, who has the same hangups about virginity as his father, and is insufferably priggish in every version I've read.

Elaine then vanishes from the narrative, since she's just a plot element. I would have said that the story was only interested in you if you have a penis, but then again there's Pelles.

Anyway, Pelles is frustrated and sad and infertile, and because of the magic, the kingdom starts becoming frustrated and sad and infertile as well. So Pelles has nothing to do except sit outside his castle fishing, and holding on to his long wooden rod all day. This is why Pelles is called the Fisher King.

When Galahad grows up, he becomes a Knight of the Round Table, and goes in search of the Grail along with all the others. Guess what? Pelles was actually looking after it the whole time. Lancelot and Galahad both find it, but Galahad gets to keep it because he's a virgin.

Now we find out why Pelles wanted Galahad to be conceived:

Galahad finds the same spear as before, which is now bleeding. He cures Pelles by thrusting the spear into the wound between his legs. No, seriously. Suddenly Pelles is no longer sad and frustrated, and the land becomes fertile again, and everyone's happy. But Galahad is still totally a virgin, of course.

(Bear in mind that these stories have been told over and over again for a thousand years, and the details change in the telling. Sometimes it's Percival rather than Galahad who finds the grail, for example.)

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/355424.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2016-01-30 23:08:02 (Updated 2016-01-30 23:20:04) from Monument

Maths joke

It all began with a family trip to Königsberg...
Seven Bridges for Seven Brothers



This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/355089.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2016-01-22 22:18:44 from Monument

This is Godot



"This is Godot.

Godot is not here.

Godot is somewhere else.

Be like Godot.
Please."

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/354824.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2016-01-21 16:31:39 from Monument

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