10 Jul 2001 maelstorm   » (Journeyer)

Feeling tired.

My father died slightly after my last journel entry. The funeral was three days after my birthday.

While I didn't have a good relationship with my father, it still hit me rather hard. Especially considering that a majority of my family weren't all that displeased to have him pass. I ended up giving his eulogy, and being the only one that could express any love, or compassion about him. He was definitely a hard man to love. And he was an abuser for most of my life. But he also managed to show me things that have shaped me since.

He worked for the phone company before (and after) it fragmented into the Baby Bells. When I was very young (maybe 7), he introduced me to unix on a teletype. Nothing entirely special there, because I was too young to entirely understand it, but its nice to know what happened in retrospect.

Later, he bought me an Apple II (and a Timex Sinclair), which put me on the road towards programming. At the end of grade school, we got a fast (300 bps) modem, and he introduced me to the BBS scene.

There are fragements of memories, wisps of good times that I remember him having with me... pushing me towards a better me then I believed in.

And despite the drifting apart that we did over the years, I miss the parts of him that I maintain in my memories.

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