Older blog entries for cortezcarlos (starting at number 15)

During this week I've been reading some pieces of code of the Mono C# Compiler. I still don't understand some parts, and I begin to think that it is a good idea to read a good compilers book.

Meanwhile, I'm going to fix the error in the C# chapter inside the Mono Handbook, because some parts are inaccessible to the browsers. After that, I'll continue working on the tutorial.

I still don't know if I should try to finish my article about P/Invoke for the next Linux Gazette, because I want to include some parsing tools ... let's see ...

I've uploaded some more docs for the C# tutorial inside the Mono Handbook, and have almost finished the Class section. The remaining parts are the static members and the string indexers.

I don't know what part must be started then. Maybe I will be writing the "Event and Delegates" section, or maybe the "Inheritance", I still don't know ...

Tomorrow I have a GULP meet, and will try to give a course about the Mono Proyect. By the way, I should be writing some homework code ... and should be reading the Mono C# Compiler ...

Well, I begin to hate some people who believes that tha hard work will give them more intelligence. I don't think so, because is like thninkg that doing some task commando to command is so good like doing that in a script. I hate this kind of people, because they trend to be stupid enough ( they feel they are so good and talk too much about their 'good' work ).

Well, I've been writing some docs for the Mono tutorial. Let me say it is hard to think how to explain it the clearest way. I don't mean a GOOD way but a OPTIMAl way ( plase don't say ' In fact, it is not so hard' bacuse I have enough with people like you - if only you were capable of demostrate you can do it OPTIMAL :D )

In the afternoon I was writing some docs for the Mono tutorial, trying to explain the what a class is. You know, it can be difficult to think in the BEST and OPTIMAL way to design a tutorial, so the user can really learn. No dynamic programation, no complicated algorithms. Only experience and intelligence. That's all-

But wait, if my docs are not very clear, I'll have to re- write them ( nobody learns with bas documentation ), but I think they are perfect.

Today I begin with my new courses, and I hope to ahve time to practice for the next Acm regional chapter contest and for contributing to the Mono project ...

During this day I was in Cuautla ( here in México ) talking about Mono project, and it went perfect. First of all, I began to show some students how looks like the c# sintaxis and how to compile/execute with this project.

The people were polite and they were listening everything about the features of the project. By the way: I knew that some of them have a team for the acm regional contest, so, it makes me feel happier. I think it's time to train and train an train ...

Tomorow I must finish the translation of a security administration article. I hope it will be finished. Since next friday I have a last test, I must study so long ... I'll begin int his moment ...

Sorry for the personal problems' log. Well, being back to the interesant problems, I'm working on a P/Invoke article for the Linux Gazette, which let the developers extend their code in C and Perl languages ( at this moment ) and expose it to the Mono world ( Mono languages ).

It is very useful, because, for example, it made possible to bind the Gtk+ api to the Mono platform, so, we now have Gtk#, a great help for the future Gtk+ development.

But I'm having some problems with the datatype, cause sometimes the environment tries the float types as int, and it is not so good. Also, I got some problem while trying to work with C pointers. I've read a moment ago, there are apointers in C#, but they are unsafe ( I would really like to avoid use them but ... ).

I hope to finish my article the next monday or tuesday. By the way, here is a example, which shows the way P/Invoke works: we use DllImport attribute ( attributes are a way of asociate data with the data inside the application ), and loading a function from the math library ( libm.so ) :

[DllImport("libc.so")]
static extern double sqrt ( double n );

It is neccesary the use of the extern and static modifiers to the function signature.

And soon, the sadness became part of my own life. The course of the destiny goes even worse. The problems are coming in an amazing way.

Soon I could see my life was changing so quik. Soon I saw that I had to go to a rich people school, where nobody studies, where nobody can really think, where nobody can see the thing beyond their eyes.

Soon I saw I was feeling unhappy. Soon I could see I began to fail. Soon I felt I was having so mistakes. In fact, I couln't breath at all. It was horrible.

Soon I could see I had another one problem with the uni. Not only the social differences, but the resources for paying the fees of the uni. Soon I had to decide what to do: Get work at the uni for paying some part of the costs, or get a job outside the school. Suddenly, I chose the second option, cause I think the people who work at my uni have to live as slayers.

Soon I saw that I couldn't find a good job. Only the classic jobs. I had no chance to work as a programmer. And, when a opportunity came, a problem raised my life. S you can imagine, I lost that job.

But that's not the biggest problem. The biggest problem is, will I really want to saty at the uni? at THAT uni? I don't know. The fees are so big, and the education is so bad. It's like being wasting my money. And, I was saying, to this day, I haven't be able to surpass ( or even forget ) the social differences. I see this situation every second: I can't meet people, I can't tell interesting things with my pals. I have to be alone all the f*cking time.

But, going back to the uni and fees problem, I really really feel the need of leaving the uni. Yeah, as Gates and De Icaza. Unofrtunately, I'm not Miguel de Icaza, and I can't be sure about having work in the future. And I'm not talking about a job, but a good job. Because I really really wan to work on the open source world. But I can't let space the idea of a good life form my head. I want to live good and be happy doing the things I want to do. And, for me, it is so hard ...

Sometimes I would like to cry, because my father is all the time saying me I have to work or get job at the school por paying it. So, I ask myself: "Does the price is good?". I don't have any intention of working, because I want to study and prepare myself for a good job. I would like to study and study and be better each day of my life. So, working now ... I don't know. I would be very happy if only I could work at the project I'm trying to help and work in.

And event time I see that all my friends have car, and I don't, I remember all the so f*cking words they all have said to me : "If you hadn't lose your school help, your father would'n have to pay all the costs and you could had a car too". You don't know how f*ck I hate these words. Because they remember me the fact that I lose oa grat chance I had. But wait, it was my first school fail! Why now, God?

So, I feel I'm not good enough to live life. I want to cry, I want to explode, I would like to go to the uni teachers and say them "Is this your so f*ckin high educational level? Do you really think that you are giving to me the education I'm paying? ". It's when I feel angry with them and with myself, because I had some part of the guilt.

This life is killing me. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think. I can't surpass the gulty feeling. I feel bad with myself. It's horrible ...

...

I think that I have three reasons for being here living my life: 1) Hope for falling in love 2) Hope for winning the regional ACM contest and 3) Hope for a much better life ...

Yeah ... it seems like danguer has been reading my diary ...

And, in fact, I'm not very happy about the reasons he gave about why he is always bothering me ( he says I'm always bothering him ) :) By the way, danguer, don't forget that if you STILL like java, you cant use the zoltan varga ikvm with mono :) ( I don't know why people has to tell some bad thnigs about good work :) )

Finally, I'm finishing with ths finals of this semester ( God, this is so fucking bad ) and I hope to begin studying, cause I need to f*ck those "Novatos" int the next ACM regional chapter.

Meanwhile, I'm reading some algorithms and data structures, and of course, waiting for meeting a precious girl ... God, pliz help me this time :D

Oh God! Yes, after some problems in my personal life ( sickness, sadness, boringness, you know ), I found a little time to rest from the world. Since that, I'm trying to rest this day, so I'll be able to clean myself of bad ideas and "so on".

Lastnight, I was talinkg with a guy called Jesus, who is a student from the udla, and I asked him for the contact of a precious girl. Presto! he talked to a friend of him, who gave me the important information.

And, talking about more interesting things, I think that the next ACM regional chapter will be the f*cking hell, because the last year campions, "Novatos", will join again! I mean, they all are going to finish them careers this fucking semester, but they will stay due they intentions of joinning the acm contest again ( as you can imagine, they are going to dedicate all to f*cked day to prepare themselves for the conest).

I was wondering that the only one way to surpass them, is 1) get a GOOD team , and 2) prepare ourselves not for the acm, but for increasing our talents ( is, uh, let me think, like if they were working in linear mode, and we were working in x^3 mode :D )

Finally ( today ) I think I'll be working for the visual basic mono chapter for the mono handbook. It will take some time, but it ins a good idea to write some ideas :) while I have to hear every day danguer telling me c# is a microsoft-version-of-java and joking about my interests in mono ( what the hell? does he think lucas is perfect ? ) F*ck your mother danguer :)

Oh shit, yes, I'm afraid I'm sick again -- well, you know, when nyou are sick, you energy decreases so big ... but, the hell, yeah, I'm sick

Last week I was working in the implementation of some dynamic programation algorithms ...

This week, without the fuck school pressure, I'll be workin in the mono handbook section dedicated to visual basic basics. Also, I want to study the new compilation engine inside the mono.

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