12 Sep 2001 cael   » (Journeyer)

i can't even imagine what i'm going to type. i have no idea what i'm typing, i can't even think of anything coherant to say.

i'm in new york city right now. i was supposed to fly back to seattle sometime this week. my mind isn't working. i can't seem to think of anything to say, anything to think. i'm not sure why. i was in manhattan today, trying to get some of my stuff, the police had blocked off most of the city and there was almost noone around. the news was on all day yesterday here, i couldn't escape it or avoid it or anything. i really can't watch it anymore.

everyone i know is safe. everyone i know is out of harm's reach for now. yesterday we went out into the street, in brooklyn, and could see the ashes flying around us, by the time we came back inside i couldn't see through my glasses anymore. i feel like chicken little. i'm not sure that makes any sense.

i'm so tired. i'm so very very tired. i can't sleep. i don't know why, i just can't. all i want is to be at home. all i want is to not be here right now and i have no idea when i will be able to leave. all i want is to not be dealing with this. all i want is to be able to help somehow and right now i can't imagine or think of anyway to do it.

this is the single greatest tragedy i have ever witnessed in my 20 years on this planet. i really hope this isn't the defining moment of my generation.

i think that's all i can think of to say. i think that's all i can think of to think. i think i want to go to sleep now and not wake up till my mind works again. i hope everyone is ok. please be ok.

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