26 Nov 2003 bgeiger   » (Journeyer)

I have one hellacious week ahead of me.

Next week, I have three tests I have to study for, and three projects are due. (One coding assignment (straightforward), a database assignment (practically done), and a case study/presentation, including implementing an XML-RPC project (difficult).)

I managed to make it to the meeting yesterday, and I saw both sides of the beatdown.

First, I played one of the newer members. I gave him nine stones and won by resignation. Then, one of best players in the club continued pestering me to get me to play him... I figured that if I played him once I'd shut him up.

He gave me 17 stones and I lost by 24 moku before komi.


(By the way, Chad, I'll play you next time we meet. I promise.)

Other than the assignments mentioned above, none.
Okay, let me try this again, while I'm not quite so suicidal.

A lot of people seemed to get the idea that the entire point of my last rant was simply, "I can't get any because I'm smart enough to realize my failures". While this may be true, it's not what I was trying to say.

tk wrote:

If I'm not wrong, you're not looking for "most women", you're just looking for that one person. Why care about what "most women" want?
I care for one reason: I don't want to drive away "that one person", whoever she may be. If she looks past me to see the jackass with the leather jacket and the false confidence, it doesn't matter what a good or kind or competent person I am. All that matters is that I don't act like a swaggering asshole.

People talk about renouncing their citizenship; I wonder if it's possible for me to renounce my species. People are so shallow and stupid sometimes. I wonder if the planet Vulcan is accepting refugees.

I was recently in a discussion with a friend about Asperger's Syndrome. In doing so, I recently revisited a document I created/modified listing a number of common symptoms. (The color signifies how much each symptom affects me.) Right at the top, there was one that I had listed in bright red and bold:

Constant anxiety about performance and acceptance, despite recognition and commendation.
This shocked me, at first. I had completely forgotten that it was on the list, and it just fit the current situation so well...
o/~ my words keep coming back to me in shades of mediocrity o/~

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