time for new fairy tales

Posted 14 Aug 2000 at 01:53 UTC by mathieu Share This

What fairy tales will you be telling to your children?
It is high time to renew our stock fairy tales.

Being concerned with finding a woman/having a love affair, I have begun investigating a number of available possibilities in the Bay Area. Becoming gay is definitely a very profitable option given the amount of oportunities in San Francisco (you do not trust me ? Hmmm. Get a life and wander in the streets).

However, it happens that I am not yet desperate enough to go down that road (no offence: I guess any homesexual would say the same if you offered him/her to become heterosexual). I have thus began hunting around for available women. You probably wonder why the hell I have posted this as an article... Read on, please. The closest most bearable (and definitely lookable) woman happened to be my company' receptionist who, as many of her kind, is (what a shame) good looking.

While trying to imagine possible scenarios to get a grip on her (all this while peeing my good geek-like code), I had THE idea which is the origin of what you have now understood to be a completely useless advogato article.

We need to create new Bay Area Yuppy fairy tales! To make myself clear, I have tried to write one down myself. I hope others will contribute new and/or improved tales to my starting collection. I am looking forward starting a website for them if I get enough contributions.

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, in a far country named california, lived a geek-prince. He was the proud child of a-multibilionaire-stocks-owner-programmer-of-the-e-business-era. He was a small short fat geek (as all great geeks, not including myself, alas) who was greatly gifted by mother silicon. He owned an Ultra-Alpha-20 GHz with 25 processors and was the greatest of all geeks in the valey: he used to win all programming contests but was modest enough so that no one resented his skills.

All jealoused these skills but all loved him. All women dreamed their daughter would be intelligent enough for him and the smartest and most geek-like women available were willing to marry him. However, he was happy with none of them. Guess why. As the king grew old and the prince had no heir, people began to wonder.

The king finally decided to discuss the matter with his unique son. Son: I am growing old and thou shall take over the kingdom after my death. I would like to see you married and grandchildren populate my great-house-which-costs-millions-and-which-is-used-only-by-the-cleaning-staff before I die. Don't you find women fitting your needs here ? .
Our prince who was also a wise lad despite his youth answered: All women I meet here know my great rank and none of them love me for the true reasons. I want a woman who will love me for myself.
That is a true my son said the king
Father: I have decided to go work in the real world to find the true love. You shall have grand-children soon. answered the prince.
With this, he left with nothing but his high end Vaio sony laptop.

It took the prince 5 minutes to find his job: the www.jobs.com (** Free Advertisement: go to jobs dot com to get a new job in minutes!! **) had just received an offer from a startup willing to hire high-quality programmers. He bought them, made himself CEO and managed to get hired as a programmer. 2 days later, while working in his new fast-growing-interested-in-benefits company, he noticed a gorgeous woman in the company entrance lobby. She seemed to be there to greet non-geek visitors.

Intrigued, he decided to talk to her: Hi, you have beautiful breasts, you know ?. She slaped him in the face. The prince (I am tired of calling him the prince. Let's say his irc nickname is HaXXor) was to reply violently when he thoughtthat this might be a custom in the real world. He thus said nothing and went back to work.

That night, he began thinking. Harder than he had ever had: he liked this woman: she looked so different from his usual geek relationships. She looked really good. That night, he decided he was in love with her breasts and that she was to be his wife.

On his next day at work, he decided to reveal to everyone he was CEO. He managed to gather everyone in the spiderman meeting room and announced that he was going to invest 20 Million $$$$$$ in the company, and that everyone would get stocks. People cheered him and applauded. He was happy. Everyone was smiling but the lobby receptionist. She looked sad. When everyone had left the room, he went to her.
Why don't you smile ? Are you not happy ? he said.
I am in love with you and now that you have anounced that you are CEO of the company, I fear all marketing weenies will now try to hit on you and I will not have a chance to slap you anymore she answered.
I love you too. I want to marry you. Will you be my wife ?

Of course, she agreed and they had many children and the king was happy and the people too because she was looking sooooo good not like the king-geek and his son-geek. ( I HATE long endings so I went quickly through this one)

Ummmm, posted 14 Aug 2000 at 08:18 UTC by fatjim » (Journeyer)

matheiu, I can only point you to this helpful warning.

Right on!, posted 14 Aug 2000 at 17:53 UTC by davidw » (Master)

I think we need more of this kind of story, as opposed to "free software business" or "meta-moderation-certification" stuff.

Maybe a fairytale about the lowly apprentice who became the most widely certified master of the land. Something akin to the Littlest Senator.

I gotta go with fatjim on this one..., posted 14 Aug 2000 at 18:45 UTC by Uruk » (Apprentice)

I'm going to give this story an emphatic, bold, "Eh?"

Hunting, posted 14 Aug 2000 at 19:07 UTC by sneakums » (Journeyer)

As any hunter will tell you, prey tends to run.

You must attract, not chase. If you have to chase, you're doomed.

Been there, posted 14 Aug 2000 at 20:28 UTC by DrCode » (Journeyer)

Been there, done that, eventually figured it all out, and now I'm long-married (but still a computer geek).

Here's what I eventually discovered: It's not a matter of figuring out what to do, or how to act; all sorts of men end up attracting women, because there are all sorts of women out there. The most important thing: Learn to recognize when a woman is attracted to you. This will save you lots of time, heartache and money. Because, generally, a woman will be at least a little attracted to you right away, or she never will be, no matter what you do.

PS This is kind of a wierd topic, but a welcome change from the usual.

*giggles*, posted 15 Aug 2000 at 12:27 UTC by decklin » (Master)

That was wonderfully twisted. Thanks for lightening it up a bit...

:-(, posted 19 Aug 2000 at 01:12 UTC by nullity » (Master)

Poor *****... :-( I think its really quite sick how everyone keeps hitting on her, but I guess sometimes she encourages it. She's really a nice person too you know...

Poor Mathieu too...we all feel your pain.

Wow, guess I can emphathize with everyone.


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